A blinking curser is
how these entries always begin. Sitting down when the house has been closed
down for the night and both my babies are breathing slowly, soundly. The house
is quiet and all I can hear is my own fingers, typing beneath me.
My husband drives a truck for a living and most of his
hours are spent at night, driving a big rig down what seems like an endless
road. Yellow and white lines surrounded by dark pavement and even darker sky. I
often find myself sitting here in bed, feeling a bit guilty as he’s off
providing for us and I’m here, in our warm bed. I pray for him, think of him
and try my best to care for him when he’s here, home with us. For many of you
who’ve known me personally, it wasn’t that many years ago that Jon and I were
in high-school, labeled as young teenagers in love, now, we’re trekking through
this life together, in a journey that I’m sure was destined to be ours.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written about my marriage and
my relationship with Jon. It’s been 8 years since I’ve loved this guy. We’ve
learned so much about each other and in return learned a lot about ourselves.
It began so juvenile and fun and somewhere in between sped up and became real
and full of responsibility. These many nights that I spend by-myself, I often
think of the early days and though they are sure to bring a smile, a sigh
usually isn’t far behind. Oh, the simple days. They came and went so quickly
for us, mostly because of the decisions we made. At a time where many of my
friends were in college and dating around, Jon and I were settling down and
becoming parents. It’s easy to get frustrated but I usually come to terms when
I think of our Hallie. Our first born that has added so much life and love in
to our hearts and lives.
The thing about becoming parents so young is our
relationship didn’t get the time that many do. We obviously had the fun stage
where we went to movies and made out in the back. (Sorry Dad) We had the serious
stage where we had been together for a couple years and we got to talk about
all the what-ifs. We even had a year to be in college and be ‘free.’ Driving
around our old cars and staying up way too late. But somewhere in that stage it
ended with a pregnancy and a real quick ‘I do.’
Now that I’ve had some time to really look back on all of
our ‘stages’ and live in this stage that we’re in now, for a while, I have some
truths that I’ve found.
This marriage thing isn’t for the weak. Ever notice that
the fairy tales always end at the wedding part? Yeah, that isn’t a coincidence
my friends. I say this jokingly because even though marriage is one of the
hardest things I’ve ever done it’s also one of the most rewarding things I’ve
ever done. Marriage takes work; it takes dedication and deep breathes. I don’t know
about you but I really hate confrontation. Though, I’ve learned that it’s a necessity
in a marriage. Stay with me here, I promise I’m getting to my point.
In
this marriage journey that Jon and I have been on together, we’ve fought so
many times I can’t even count. But we’ve always forgiven each other and moved
on, moved forward. Jon’s no perfect man for sure (ha!) and I’m no perfect
woman, but somewhere between the two of us we’ve found a balance. We’ve found a
safe place with each other that we always come back to whenever we fight.
Without a confrontation or messy fight that caused some pain and tears, I don’t
think we would ever recognize that balance we create by being together and by
being a team in this sport called life. So in this stage of parent-hood, I feel
pretty confident that we’ll make it through alright. We’ll be weathered and we’ll
be tired but I know that we’ll be together.
So even though we ducked out of the more juvenile stages
a little early and they didn’t last as long as I would have chosen, it doesn’t
mean it was the end for us. I think it’s actually the opposite. It was the
beginning of us. It was the beginning of this rewarding journey of perseverance
and love. I’m sure with time there will be a lot more lonely nights, fights and
arguments, but with that comes the good stuff too. The laughter, the memories
and a life-time spent working toward loving each other more than we did
yesterday.
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| Back in the younger care-free years |
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| Us Now <3 |
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