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| Honestly, how can you say no to picking up this sweet boy? |
It’s a relaxing Saturday afternoon over here in the country. With the steady hum of my neighbor mowing his lawn and both my kids napping, I decided it was a perfect time to sit down and take a moment to be with my blog. Moments like this happen few and far between, as my kids are growing and changing, their needs are growing and changing as well, which means my needs tend to hit the back burner. I’m adjusting to this new-found sacrifice. When you become a Mother, you quickly realize how much of you, ends up going to your kids, it’s been such an interesting and telling experience for me as I’ve transitioned to two. Whereas before finding a couple moments to myself were almost a guarantee, now, I can go a couple days without really finding a moment to catch my breath. Both kids are on their own schedules, and it’s up to me to find a balance.
As many of
you know now, when I sit down to craft a blog, I never really know what’s going
to spill out on to the page. It’s an interesting way of finding what’s been
stewing inside me, but nevertheless, It always ends up being some sort of awakening
in this journey I’m on. Lately, my struggles have been finding a balance
between routine and life. They go hand in hand, for a person like me. I’m the
type of person who opens up the notes app on their iPhone just to write out the
‘perfect’ schedule for BOTH my 3 month old and 3 year old. I always end up
finding it months later, chuckling at its inaccuracy. As if my child sits down
at exactly 8:30am to eat a hearty breakfast before we run a bunch of efficient errands.
The idea is so nice. The reality is that I give my kid a granola bar and a
juice box because that’s all she will eat and run around between the time of
8am-11am trying to get ready, stopping every
5 minutes to help someone pee or change a diaper. This season of my life
is so hectic and though routine is a nice thought, it always ends up becoming
less of a routine and more of an ‘idea.’ Some nights I collapse on the couch at 10pm
and wonder where the 8pm bedtime I created in my head went. I end up feeling
defeated and almost label the day as a failure.
But hold up.
Yes, I created this routine and it would be so nice if my 3
year old napped within the right times and the baby ate every 3 hours like he’s
supposed to. But that’s now how it is. That’s not life. Life is; waking up to a
toddler at 5am telling you she’s hungry. Life is; picking up the baby instead
of blow-drying your hair, because he doesn’t care if your hair looks good, he
just wants his mama. Life is; letting your baby girl nap at 5pm, even though
you know she isn’t going to want to sleep at a reasonable time tonight. It’s
messy. It’s not perfect. It doesn’t fit in to a perfect itinerary, like I think
it should.
For me, a routine is a great thing but as I’ve learned in
this season of my life, it shouldn’t be everything. It shouldn’t make me angry
or resentful if it doesn’t happen the way I thought it should.
My kids are growing and changing which means I
need to be doing the same. This is their childhood and how hurt I would be if I
realized they thought of me as this uptight Mother who constricted their days,
in to a make-believe routine that couldn’t be broken. Even though I’ve had some
difficult days and even more difficult nights with kids that won’t sleep, I’ve
learned that sometimes in the middle of the mess, memories are born and bonds are
strengthened.
So as the afternoon turns to evening and my Hallie bug wakes up
from her super long, late in the day, nap, I will greet her with a hug and ask
her what Disney movie she wants to watch tonight. Because life can be so
beautiful if we just learn to let things go and find the joy in midst of the
mess.
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| A napping Hallie <3 |
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