As many of you know by now, this blog has evolved quite a
bit, since I started almost 4 years ago. Each entry represents a part of my
journey, my thoughts as I was going through it and my revelations along the
way. The beauty of it for me is that I get to document and share so much of
what goes on in this heart of mine and usually by the end of each entry, I have
a better idea of who I am. Identity is really important when you’re a Mom,
because it’s really easy to lose who you are. It’s not so much, losing who you
are, but getting to know the person you become as you evolve with your life and
the path it takes you.
As I grow to be a Mother, I’m finding the true difficulty
that comes with giving all that you are to your children and their well-being.
We love these little beings so much, but sometimes we hate what happens to us
when they test us; at least that’s been my struggle as Hallie finds new ways to
test my patience daily. The third-year of her life, has thus far, been the most
difficult for me. Her curious ways and strong-willed nature has me going all
day long. By the end of the day, and some-days the end of the day stretches way
past the time it should, I collapse in defeat and realize I hate who I was all
day long. The sharp tone to my voice as I tell her to stop what she’s doing or
the way I stomp around picking up all the toys she just spewed all over the
place. Some days I’m down right embarrassed at how crazy she makes me, but then
again, maybe I’m not the only one?
This is tough for me to write, because I’m exposing the
part of me that I hate most. It’s a work in progress, and with this blog, I
intend to lay it all out in hope to get better.
When I got the idea to
start up this entry, I told myself I needed some reminders to think of when she
tests me.
Here’s what I came up with:
1. There will be a
day when she doesn’t come walking in to my room with her blankie wrapped around
her head, whispering if she can come cuddle until morning.
2.
There will be a
day that she will eat all of the food on her plate, and ask for seconds.
3.
There will be a
day that mickey mouse and puzzle pieces (that I step on all day long) is
replaced with an iphone or whatever new age device that exists!
4.
There will be a
day that she doesn’t splash water all over the bathroom, playing dolls until
the water is cold.
5.
There will be a
day that she doesn’t ask me to play with her anymore, where she’d rather play
with her friends.
These are all things
that in the moment, drive me nuts, but writing them all out is making me cry
because I don’t want them to ever go away.
So here it is, the
thing that I needed to remind myself of most: Don’t be so quick to get sharp
with her and when you feel defeated and frustrated, refer back to these
reminders, because this time is so short and these things that in the moment cause
me to get frustrated and possibly even get angry, they aren't just reminders, they're memories.
