It's time...

            Today was like any other low-key day for my little family of three. I awoke early to a laundry-list of chores bouncing between tired thoughts of what might lie ahead in our day. I made breakfast for my eager 18 month old and then shared my shower time with an applesauce covered baby. It was a day that began like many other days in this stage of life of early mother-hood.

The reason I paint a small glimpse of how my morning went, (and how many other mornings go) is to let you in on an unglamorous and average lifestyle I lead, which brings me to the theme of this blog today; self-image. Lately, I’ve been trying so hard to keep my head up and keep telling myself that I’m beautiful. It’s a daily struggle that I fight and today I reached a turning point in this constant battle between looks and self-confidence.

This afternoon, Jon and I took a trip over to my parents’ house to help them move various pieces of furniture for their upcoming remodel. While trying to chase Hallie around and help out where I could, I found myself standing next to a traveling closet full of old clothes. As I glanced through the rack, my eyes landed on a long, pearl colored sleeve with little beads. my eyes lit up as it was my wedding dress. We transitioned things so quickly I honestly hadn’t known where my wedding dress ended up and seeing it this way, so carefully placed next to a bunch of worn clothes, it stood out fiercely.  It gave me comfort knowing it was stored in such a safe, promising place. I carefully took it off the rack and memories flooded back. I scooped Hallie up and quietly brought it out to our car while everyone else was bustling about moving things. As I walked back in the house I told myself I would try it on later tonight and no matter what I looked like in it, I would love myself.

After a fun dinner at our neighborhood Applebee’s with my family, we made our way home and got Hallie settled in bed. I ventured in to my bedroom to try on my dress. With the door shut I changed in to it and walked over to the mirror not sure how I would feel once I saw the reflection. The dress was tight but still fit comfortably; the fitted dress hugged my curves and didn’t hide the pouch that once housed my now 18 month old.

As corny as this may sound, I told myself enough was enough. I needed to stop beating myself up for having a body that wasn’t the same as it had been. I needed to stop grabbing at my stretched stomach unsatisfied and in disgust. I needed to embrace the fact I grew a child and with that miracle comes stretch marks and extra skin.  

My insecurities have had enough of my time and tonight it’s time to focus on what’s right in front of me. I’m a mom that puts my child first at all times. I’m a mom that spends my free time meal-planning and couponing. I’m a mom that works part-time and exhausts myself for the sake of providing for her. I don’t have enough energy to spend wasting on fretting about the way my shirt fits and what I look like.

Now after all, it is a new year and with a new year comes things we’d like to change. Instead of focusing on this never-ending battle between my mind and body I’ve taken a couple steps that may help me change some things for the better. Jon and I decided to join our local YMCA and start working out as a couple. This not only will give us some one on one time together but I’m hoping will assist in getting healthy and give me an edge that will help put a stop to the harsh critique that looks back at me in the mirror every morning.  

As I might add, this post is a super personal one. No one likes to admit that they have insecurities and though I’m sure many of us struggle with the weight topic, I just want to encourage you to have confidence in yourself. It’s such a difficult thing but we need to dig deep and realize that there is so much more than appearance and weight that makes up a beautiful person.

Tonight as I looked at my reflection, I knew that there was more to what meets the eye. I’m more than my stretchy skin and pudgy arms and as long as I keep this perspective, nothing can keep me from shining.