I sit with you in attempt to find a little blip of peace,
quiet and serenity. This blog serves many purposes for me but one of them is
the ability to lose myself in my writing. I always come away refreshed, with a
new perspective and usually a clearer picture of what lies in front of me. Oh and
did I mention an excuse to drink a whole cup of coffee, uninterrupted?
As mentioned in the last entry, we are well on our way to
moving in to our forever home; which as enticing and dreamy as that sounds, the
details really weigh it down. As an organized, routine crazed junky, this is
the most overwhelmed I think I’ve ever felt. There is constant list scribbling,
frantic eyes moving around my once very put-together house and lots of deep
breathes.
With this being our last week in the old home, things
have been out of the ordinary and as much as I’d like to say to all of you, how
spontaneous and adventurous I am, well that’s not the case. I’m coming clean. I’m
a wreck! I don’t flourish in situations like this and I really just want to
hermit in to a corner until it’s all done. I’ve been trying to find a sense of
self in this lack of self, I’ve discovered. I think I have.
When I’m at my weakest and I feel like running away, I pause.
I take a moment and breathe and then I ask for strength. I ask God to give me strength
to get through this tantrum Hallie’s throwing, strength to dig deep for
patience and compassion to better understand what this might be like for her,
and strength to laugh about the things that go wrong.
I think the most important thing I’ve taken from this
chaotic time, is the importance of peace. Allowing myself to retreat in a
moment and search for His strong voice. You hear it all while you grow up, how
important it is to have a ‘quiet time’ and for young minds and busy hands it
can be difficult. But, we need to center ourselves and find the peace He
represents. In that, is the only time we’ll hear what He’s trying to tell us. I
can speak for only myself here but I’ve found so much clarity in those peaceful
moments.
So, with all that being said, this time in my life isn’t even
remotely over and I’ll have many months to come, in trying to settle our lives
down before our 2nd baby arrives this summer. But I have hope in my
Journey, that with each lesson and prayer, it comes together a little bit more,
and by the end it, what a masterpiece it will be.
One of the Beautiful sites of moving...stacks of boxes that need to be moved.
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