When Love isn't Enough

It’s a chilly Sunday evening as I sit with you. This weekend has flown by and I almost can’t believe Christmas time is upon us. Our plump Christmas tree, illuminating our living room, is a friendly reminder that life is just flying by. So instead of climbing in to bed, like I normally would, I chose to stay up a little later and document a few of my latest findings in my journey of life.

The peaceful state that my house is in, is due to a couple things: my busy toddler is tucked in for the night and my husband has taken off on a late work run, yet again. I often have quiet nights like these, where I’m left to my thoughts and more often than not I choose to sit down with my prayer journal, rather than turn on the TV. It’s a habit I’ve been working hard on, mostly because God has shown me how faithful he is, oddly, by using my own words. I often flip through the pages and read back through struggles I was having only a year ago and I’m given a perspective that is so humbling. A perspective that shows me to not fret at what state my life may be in, because it will soon change. I realize that by writing these prayers down, I see first-hand how much God is involved in my life and the more I write, the more opportunities I give him to be faithful. It’s a truth that warms my heart from the inside out and gives me a peace that no quiet night ever could. I’m just so thankful.

           

 Ever since I became a Mother, my life has felt as if it’s barreling down the tracks at warp speed, something about sacrificing yourself to a family and a child that makes life just fly. I found out about 2 months ago that we are expecting another child, this summer. I have been using these past few months to process and when I get a quiet moment like this to ponder how expanding my family will change my life, I get lost in my thoughts. I’ve realized by having another child, we are becoming this family. This unit that goes together and nothing excites me more than being able to be a part of something so sacred.

            

My last recent finding is an important one, and for those who are still reading, thank you for caring about my words enough to read this much! I promise I have a point. Probably the biggest part of my life is my marriage. Many of you know how quickly Jon and I chose to make the decision of a lifetime. We were dating for years, but never in an adult sort of way. We were kids who fell in love and developed a bond that was strong. Never did I realize how much selflessness and perseverance it takes to make a healthy marriage. I’m human and I have desires and sometimes they don’t involve being tied to another. But that’s the point of all this. Prayer, children and family…it all starts with two. I have tears just writing this because of how devoted I am, to my husband in becoming a solid team, a force to be reckoned with when our kids test us and a love that holds strong through the years. 

I suppose it will take years to develop this and plenty of entries in my prayer book, but until then, I’ll just leave this all here. I have faith in our story and each tough moment we trek through, my constant prayer is that we’ll manage to stay hand in hand, with each other and our Maker. 

Us. 

-Jon and I are quickly approaching our 3rd marriage anniversary and I am excited to celebrate together. We both have admitted that this marriage thing isn't for the weak. I'm glad we can joke about it together! -