It’s a bright and sunny morning over here in the country.
Hallie and I are home enjoying the quiet morning, her playing with playdough
while I’m retreating to my kitchen table with a lot on my heart.
I feel a sense of
urgency when it comes to the topic of isolation. Isolation that follows us
mothers around like a dark cloud. We are happy in the sense that we have these
beautiful gifts from God; we have a roof over our heads and in some cases even have
husbands that provide so we can be here with our children. Looking after them,
raising them up and keeping our households together with clean laundry and a
growing grocery list. The tasks seem to never end and we have to train
ourselves to make time for things like friendships, alone time with our spouse,
heck – shaving our legs. But we have this thing that follows us around, hounds
us in to thinking we need more and we seek these things feverishly. Play dates,
church groups, part-time jobs. We NEED people. Isolation can be toxic for our
hearts and minds. We crave human attention and someone to challenge us in to
thinking and feeling things other than the everyday ho-hum that happens within
the four walls of our homes.
This is something that I’ve been struggling with off and on
since my daughter was born in July 2014. There has been such conflict within
me, a persistent conversation I have between myself and I, where I scold myself
for feeling these things. Needing more that is. “Why isn’t my family enough for
me?” “Why am I so ungrateful?” These are all questions that I’ve tossed in and
around my heart. I’ve come to a settling conclusion that it’s okay to feel
these things! It’s natural. The reason I felt compelled to sit down and finally
shed a little light on these personal feelings, was because I have an inkling
that I’m not alone in this.
We Moms are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We
push through all of those messy emotions, we pour in to our children’s lives by
obsessing over the little details and we try our hardest to maintain healthy
relationships with our husbands. It’s a wide battlefield but we get up and face
the front lines each and every day. I’m proud to finally stand up and express
the intricate feelings I’ve harbored for so long. Ladies this is me encouraging
you that it’s time to stop feeling bad about our feelings and to remember that
it’s important to make time for ourselves.
So how do we conquer the constant isolation that can creep
up on us and discourage us in our journey through motherhood? I truly believe, realistically,
it’s always going to be a constant struggle, but if we turn to things like
church groups meant for mothers and children and make time to call up a friend
and fellowship over coffee, that the dark cloud of isolation may grow a little
smaller and become more manageable.
Prayer has also been my best friend. There will always be
days where you feel like you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again-
endless chores and responsibilities. I’ve found that the best days I have are
the days I started off asking God for strength and journaling my struggles-
getting them out in the open right in front of God and myself. Something about
sitting down for a quiet couple of minutes really helped me identify what was
bothering me. This changed things for me because I knew that it wasn’t all
these chores and the constant demands of being a Mother that was bothering me,
which shifted my attitude in a big way.
The day lies before me, and we both look forward to that
hour when daddy walks through the front door and we will be 3 again. There were mornings not that long
ago where I felt despair and a heavy heart, tired of the loneliness that seemed
to take over- but this morning I don’t feel lonely at all. The sun shines
bright in my kitchen and my heart is content knowing I have the whole day to
enjoy this short season of motherhood that I’m in.
~~~
A friend of mine shared this verse with me yesterday and its proven to really speak to my heart and encourage me turn to God for EVERYTHING- no matter how silly our problems may feel.
"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."
John 15:7
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