Iced Coffee & Prayers

Hi friends, it’s always a joy to take a break from life and sit down with Dunkin iced coffee in hand to scribble out what’s been going on in this crazy (and blessed!) life of mine. I have been anxiously waiting to begin a new job and as each day passes, the excitement builds. My gracious brother-in-law to be has been renovating a new store in Brewerton, NY to become his new flooring showroom. He asked me a few months back if I would join him in selling flooring and doing his books and other paperwork for his business. I can still remember the feeling of relief as God was answering my prayers. Shortly after I left my long-standing job at the beloved Red Onion, I began to worry that I wouldn’t find something that paid well and worked with my evolving mommy schedule. This wonderful opportunity not only answers every single prayer that I prayed but it gave me three special months to savor with my Hallie girl. Watching her grow was such a gift and I’ll never forget these early days of her life that I was able to stay home with her. So yes, Praise the Lord!

Following this update on my life, I’d like to touch on the topic of prayer. As noted above, God heard me loud and clear and it was so incredible for me to experience that, but I must be true to my readers. I didn’t spend a lot of time praying for this to happen. Prayer is something I’ve always struggled with. It’s not that I don’t think God hears me. It’s that I struggle finding time in my life to dedicate to God. Recently in the quietness of one of my special days at home with Hallie, God really made it clear to me that If I open up and really pursue a more personal relationship with Him, He will prevail.  Nothing insane or crazy has happened since, but I feel so much more complete that I get to talk to God whenever I need to and He listens. It’s such an often forgotten privilege with powerful results.

I hope your all staying warm in this blistery storm!  Jon woke up this morning and decided it was as good a day as any to play hookie, so the plan for today will be to hunker down with my two favorites and have a fun day indoors eating Superbowl leftovers and watch movies!

Thank you for reading, as always, I'm very humbled to see how many people actually do take a glance at the blog. <3 

Change is a promise

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I began thinking about all the milestones in life that are yet to come. Something about having my first child, awakened this sense of excitement within me and it gave me such hope for the future. I remember this specific Grey's Anatomy episode (forever will be in love with this show!) where there was an older man dying of cancer. As one of the interns was in his room treating him for something, he began to explain there becomes a time for the older generation where you realize that all that you were looking forward too, already happened. That epiphany in this fictional character has always stuck with me. It's a sad realization but it can always be used as a reminder. To recognize that this time that you have right now, comes along with a promise, that it won't always be here. Change can be oddly comforting if your having a bad patch or it can be scary if your happy with how your life is at the moment. But the sooner we embrace it, the better!

On that note, I thought I would update my readers on my current stage of life. Our daughter just turned 6 months and she is growing so fast. Every day it seems she's developing more and more and it's so fun to watch. I love the light that comes on in her eyes when she masters something. This week it was sitting up, such a big milestone for her! I have to remember to document it in the baby book!

Jon and I just celebrated our first anniversary as a married couple. It was oddly perfect that we spent the day together just doing our normal routine. I cleaned our apartment and he cuddled with the baby on the couch. Then my parents watched Hallie while we went out to a nice steak dinner and then of all presents he gifted me a new diaper bag! ;) That low-key kind of day was just a pleasant reminder that our life together is a perfectly ordinary one. Filled with quiet nights in our apartment watching our daughter grow, weekly trips to the grocery store and a passionate love that never seems to fail. I couldn't be happier.

I must touch on the fact that life isn't perfect. I value the truth that though I paint a perfect picture there are many flaws as well. Marriage is a challenge, we work so hard everyday to do it right. Loving each other some days is a choice but it's always the right one. Hallie, though a happy baby most of the times, we do have the occasional, fussy day where I don't shower until after dinner. I can't seem to keep up with my heap of laundry which I get the awesome privilege of carrying down my 32 steps and 7 miles over to my parents, twice a week. But in this life filled with challenges, I get the awesome privilege of waking up every day and living it. And to me, that's enough.

So, thanks for reading, I hope all of you can take away something from this post. Stay warm in this frigid weather and remember...Change is a promise. Spring is coming! :) 

In light of our anniversary, I thought I'd post a little memory from our Wedding. :) 

Dear 2014

Dear, 2014

 I must reminisce with you. You have been a year to remember. You will be a year that I tell my grandchildren about someday, a year that when I'm old and wrinkly, I look back upon and smile with remembrance. A year that chose to test my limits, to bring me pain and then replace it with joy. You have stripped me of my pride on countless occasions only to replace it with humble thoughts. You've strengthened my relationship with my family. You've brought me life-long matrimony with a man that is kind and loyal to his word. You've brought me a daughter that has striking blue eyes and a soul made of joy and love. Oh, 2014, you have been one for the books. I'd like to thank you for your constant roller coaster because it taught me that life holds no promises. I'd like to thank you for your constant changes, they taught me how to adjust and accept. I'd like to thank you for the consistency of your months that come so quickly and leave so quietly. 

2014, you have not been a year that came and went with disappointing regrets, resolutions not completed and exceptions not met. You had plans I never expected and you held memories I'll never forget. Goodbye 2014, I'll welcome this new year with you in mind and bring along what you've taught me.

Love,
Mallory 

When Moneys not Enough

It's a surreal feeling for me to sit down with this empty paper. I usually read my last post and then sit here with my fingers hovering the keyboard and its always a mystery of what's going to end up on the page. Blogging is not as much as an outlet for me but it's a way of sorting through whatever is going on in my life. With the everyday changes that seem to occur regularly, it's only natural for me to need to sit down in a quiet corner of my life and mull over the recent piece of the Journey.

Sadly the theme in life lately has been anxiety. I am somewhat ashamed to admit that because it's always something that I've run from. It runs fiercely through my family and I was always proud to be labeled as the chill one. I blame it on hormones but I'm pretty sure it's just me at this certain point in my life. I get the privilege of speaking on the phone with my beloved friend every now and then. Our recent conversation revolved around the inevitable realization that money sucks. There is never enough and for me and my friend we like the sense of security. My savings account has looked pretty barren lately and even though I have everything I need (and MORE) I still seem to toss and turn and crunch the numbers in my head. I know I am just starting out and it takes time to learn how to manage the money and put it where it counts, but I still need to remind myself that money isn't everything.

I thank my husband for this reminder daily. I realize that I am a pain. I realize that I have a stressed look in my eye too often and I realize that I need to stop going on a Dunkin coffee run every single day.

But on a serious note, I needed to sit down and take a good hard look at not the numbers but my trust in the Lord. Once I focused on all that I had and all that God has provided for my family and I, all those money worries seemed to dissolve. Now it's not to be said that I need to throw my hands up and say God will take care of this for me but when I start to feel like the world is crumbling down around me because the money isn't as plentiful as what's comfortable, that's when its time to take a chill pill and look to God because he is always enough.

It took Three months.

As I wrote out the title for this blog, I couldn't help but laugh to myself. There are so many tears, laughs, memories and hardships that lye indefinitely in that little sentence. You read the funny articles on Facebook, you hear the warnings as you walk around bearing a giant belly below you, and you prepare yourself as much as you can for 9 months until before you know it, your sitting there in a hospital bed with a squishy baby that you don't know staring up at you. It's a process that happens the same way for every woman but so differently as well. The last 3 months have been a Journey that was unexpected on so many levels.

The first month was a blur filled with casseroles, fruit salads and family. I can hardly remember it all because It was all so new and shocking.

 The second month was a rude awakening. I can still remember laying in my bed at night with my husband snoring away next to me as nothing ever changed, and I thought to myself how different life was. The challenge of trying to fit normal day activities in to a 3 hour span of time because my daughter needs to eat every three hours. The challenge of carrying a heavy car seat down 32 steps every day and maneuvering her in to the tiny back seat of my Elantra. The challenge of learning to take care of yourself as well as a baby that needs you and a husband that works hard for the both of you.

 The third month: the best yet. I've settled in to a routine with my squishy baby, She has transformed from a little stranger to my whole entire life. My perfect daughter was gifted with this personality that just radiates. She looks up at me with her big blue eyes and a feeling washes over me that makes everything right in the world. She makes those 32 steps and sleepless nights vanish and all I see is a future, Filled with smiles, baking cookies, crafts and school shopping. My plan is to give her the life that she deserves.

Hallie Grace was exactly what I needed in this unpredictable life, A constant. A constant reminder that no matter how many bills come in the mail, or how many time my husbands car breaks down that this life is short and those things don't make up the whole picture. They are just bumps in this Journey we call life.

The Finish Line

Have you ever gone through something and not known you were actually going through 'something' until you've come out of it? Well that happened to me this morning. It was a peaceful morning I had been looking forward too since the weekend. I knew Wednesday I could sleep in and know I was finished with my college classes. No more studying, getting up at the crack of dawn to try to get my real chores done before I had to make it to class on time, and no more rushing between work, school and trying to spend time with my husband. I knew it would be a glorious morning but little did I know the emotional finish line I would come across as I was having my coffee.

I was sitting down at my table in my favorite room in the house. My little plant hanging from the ceiling and my iPad playing Grey's Anatomy. (Forever my favorite show) I was sipping coffee that I had just brewed and it was like my mind took on slow motion. I felt my eyes scan the room and I realized,  I could relax. I didn't have any papers to write or discussions to post. My notebooks were in a neat little pile next to my laptop across the room, they looked so withered and disheveled. A calm feeling spread over me and I could feel the coffee I was drinking slip down my throat so smoothly. It was like I had spidey senses! My mind and body was so used to having a million things to micro-manage and then all of a sudden, it just didn't. I felt a smile spread across my face and I felt such Joy. Then my mind began to reminisce all the things I had done sense January. Get married, move out of my child-hood home, take on five college courses, work 30 hours a week, move again, manage to save enough money to take care of my new baby and get all of her little things in order for when she decides to arrive; all while watching my body change and belly grow. I stood up and felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted. I gazed out the window in the beautiful yard below our apartment and with birds chirping and flowers swaying in the breeze I felt myself walk across an imaginary line of accomplishment. I could finally breathe.

This feeling was unexpected and only by the Grace of God can I look around and see how much he's provided for me in the last months of my life. This Journey wasn't easy, It was filled of emotional nights clinging to the hope that there is a new day coming soon and at the end of this I will look down in to my daughters eyes and tell her it was worth it. That day is coming soon, and I now I can savor the gift of rest that God introduced to me this beautiful morning in May.

What's in a name?

Can I just say, naming a person is not an easy task!? Sure, you find out your pregnant, life moves on and the reality sets in that this bump below you is not just a cute thing to take pictures of and post on Instagram, that bump houses a sweet baby that has a future, just like yours and mine. And with a future comes a daunting fact that we have the responsibility of naming this little growing person. What will people call her? What will her teachers and her grandparents say when they want her to look up at them? When I started to think about all of the things that went in to a name, I started to panic a little. I tend to over think things and because I want everything to be perfect for this little one, we put a lot of time and thought in to this name. So brace yourself my friends, because these are the reasons our daughter will be, Hallie Grace. :) 

Let me start with the moment her name popped in my head. I was on my way home from work, it was a long night at work with not a lot of exciting moments, just another day, another dollar sort of thing. I was exhausted and couldn't wait to go to bed. I was rounding the curb on route 12 and I looked up at the sky. It was a really cold, clear night and I remember thinking how pretty it was and I noticed the thousands of stars twinkling above me as I sped home. They looked so sure of themselves like they were meant to be exactly where they were. I noticed what looked like an 'H' in the sky, it wasn't exact and it wasn't gleaming like a sign from heaven or anything but it definitely looked like an H and for whatever reason, the name Hallie popped in my head. Instantly I wanted to ask Jon what he thought of the name. We had been toying with names for months and we couldn't agree on anything. Nothing really grabbed our attention and put a smile on our face, so we just kept searching. Internet sites, movie credits...ect. I was hoping that something like this would happen, that a name would magically appear in my head and by some strange turn of fait, this name was exactly the name that put a smile on Jon's face when I bounded through the door and screamed the name Hallie at him while he was sitting half-asleep on the couch watching t.v.  

Grace was a decision we made prior to my star gazing. As many of you know that follow my blog, this little baby wasn't planned for us. It happened, we coped, and we've moved on. But only by the grace of our God. The word grace took on a new meaning for me when I found out this baby was happening. I was so hard on myself in the beginning and really put myself in such a negative place. I wince when I think back to the feelings I let consume me. Grace was the only thing that pulled me out of this hole and really helped me move on with my life. The concept of Grace to me is just the most beautiful promise that this life has to offer. We all make mistakes and we all have daily struggles, that's inevitable. But by God's grace we don't have to harp on those mistakes and struggles. We can look forward to the bright future he's given us and grow within ourselves to learn from life and become the beautiful souls God created us to be. But wait, there is even more to this four letter word. It's not just a promise, its forgiveness. It's taught me to forgive. I want to teach Hallie that her middle name is not just something that sounded good with her first. It is a reminder that we are all human, it's a guarantee that this life isn't easy but if you have a forgiving heart you will live a much lighter, brighter, world. Never get hung up on anything, push forward and live your life to God's potential for you. 

So with that, I present what's in her name and what it means to us. I only have 10 more weeks to go until she arrives and the sooner we get to meeting her the more we prepare ourselves to love her like God loves us. Unconditionally. <3