Peace, Serenity & Chaos

            I sit with you in attempt to find a little blip of peace, quiet and serenity. This blog serves many purposes for me but one of them is the ability to lose myself in my writing. I always come away refreshed, with a new perspective and usually a clearer picture of what lies in front of me. Oh and did I mention an excuse to drink a whole cup of coffee, uninterrupted?

          

  As mentioned in the last entry, we are well on our way to moving in to our forever home; which as enticing and dreamy as that sounds, the details really weigh it down. As an organized, routine crazed junky, this is the most overwhelmed I think I’ve ever felt. There is constant list scribbling, frantic eyes moving around my once very put-together house and lots of deep breathes.

          

  With this being our last week in the old home, things have been out of the ordinary and as much as I’d like to say to all of you, how spontaneous and adventurous I am, well that’s not the case. I’m coming clean. I’m a wreck! I don’t flourish in situations like this and I really just want to hermit in to a corner until it’s all done. I’ve been trying to find a sense of self in this lack of self, I’ve discovered. I think I have.

           

When I’m at my weakest and I feel like running away, I pause. I take a moment and breathe and then I ask for strength. I ask God to give me strength to get through this tantrum Hallie’s throwing, strength to dig deep for patience and compassion to better understand what this might be like for her, and strength to laugh about the things that go wrong.

           

I think the most important thing I’ve taken from this chaotic time, is the importance of peace. Allowing myself to retreat in a moment and search for His strong voice. You hear it all while you grow up, how important it is to have a ‘quiet time’ and for young minds and busy hands it can be difficult. But, we need to center ourselves and find the peace He represents. In that, is the only time we’ll hear what He’s trying to tell us. I can speak for only myself here but I’ve found so much clarity in those peaceful moments.

            

So, with all that being said, this time in my life isn’t even remotely over and I’ll have many months to come, in trying to settle our lives down before our 2^nd baby arrives this summer. But I have hope in my Journey, that with each lesson and prayer, it comes together a little bit more, and by the end it, what a masterpiece it will be. 

One of the Beautiful sites of moving...stacks of boxes that need to be moved. 

It's Home.

I sit with you this evening with a joyful spirit, a full heart, and a very full glass of apple juice. 

I am now officially in my 2^nd Trimester for this pregnancy and I have to say the cravings are in full force this time around! This blog isn’t much about the pregnancy, as it’s been wonderfully uneventful. Due to past losses, I am grateful for each day that passes that I crave very specific juice flavors and almost forget that I carry another life within me, as I chase my lively toddler around. The lack of ‘excitement’ comforts me in knowing, there is a sweet life nestled inside me, growing each day. The giant belly that offsets my balance is looming in the near future, but for now I savor each day, as they are very special; growing a new life and new addition to our family.

As I bring up new growth I must bring up the exciting fact, we’ve bought a home! If you told me even 2 weeks ago that this happened, I wouldn’t believe you. But that’s the interesting thing about God. He is the ultimate provider, and even when you don’t know what you need or how on earth God could make something happen for you, He shows you He can do it.

I’ve grown a lot in my relationship with the Lord in the last year. I’ve always claimed I believed but I never felt the pure and raw emotion I always saw in others as they worshiped or spoke of their experiences. I never knew how to reach it or even how to go about finding it. I began a prayer journal over a year ago and as I’ve mentioned in past posts, it’s helped me a lot. It’s shown me the faithfulness that God so subtly sprinkles in and around my days. And as I realize now, all of those little prayers he answered for me, was preparing me for the ultimate demonstration of love in my life thus far. To take this relationship I’ve had growing for the Lord, to a level of trust I’d never had in Him. I’d heard about, but never felt for myself.

***

It was a gloomy day, my daughter had just gone down for a nap and I had just gotten off the phone with my Dad. We had a heart to heart about my current life situation. Jon and I were faced with another move. We didn’t want to leave the home we had been renting for the last year, but due to circumstances, it was necessary. I had been scouring the internet for apartments to rent but nothing seemed doable or appealing to move my growing family of almost 4 in to. I sat there staring out the window at the freezing rain and cried like I’ve never cried before. I felt hopeless. A home is a special place to me and to feel like I was faced with a task I didn’t know how to complete, I wept. I cried out to God for help. After a while, that was it. I picked myself up and went about day.  

I won’t get in to the entire story, because the details are long and I’d go on for days. But what I can say, is the next day we found ourselves with an opportunity to apply for a mortgage loan, a special loan that is only available for certain areas due to agricultural qualifications. So in other words, this house was one house that qualified for one specific loan that happened to be a perfect fit for my family. In the perfect location, the perfect price and the inside was as beautiful as the outside.  

We were approved almost instantly and two days later our offer was accepted.

I’ve had a couple days to digest this but as the details come together; each hurdle we face has been laid out before us and taken care of. God has orchestrated this entire thing and made sure I was taken care of and that is just; breath-taking. The turn of events I’ll never forget and I’ll base the rest of my life on trusting him and leading my family to learn of his true love and faithfulness. Every day as I pull up to my home and remember how we found it, it will be a living testament of how involved our God is and how much He cares for you and me.

What a gift.

xxoo

Mallory