Have you ever gone through something and not known you were actually going through 'something' until you've come out of it? Well that happened to me this morning. It was a peaceful morning I had been looking forward too since the weekend. I knew Wednesday I could sleep in and know I was finished with my college classes. No more studying, getting up at the crack of dawn to try to get my real chores done before I had to make it to class on time, and no more rushing between work, school and trying to spend time with my husband. I knew it would be a glorious morning but little did I know the emotional finish line I would come across as I was having my coffee.
I was sitting down at my table in my favorite room in the house. My little plant hanging from the ceiling and my iPad playing Grey's Anatomy. (Forever my favorite show) I was sipping coffee that I had just brewed and it was like my mind took on slow motion. I felt my eyes scan the room and I realized, I could relax. I didn't have any papers to write or discussions to post. My notebooks were in a neat little pile next to my laptop across the room, they looked so withered and disheveled. A calm feeling spread over me and I could feel the coffee I was drinking slip down my throat so smoothly. It was like I had spidey senses! My mind and body was so used to having a million things to micro-manage and then all of a sudden, it just didn't. I felt a smile spread across my face and I felt such Joy. Then my mind began to reminisce all the things I had done sense January. Get married, move out of my child-hood home, take on five college courses, work 30 hours a week, move again, manage to save enough money to take care of my new baby and get all of her little things in order for when she decides to arrive; all while watching my body change and belly grow. I stood up and felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted. I gazed out the window in the beautiful yard below our apartment and with birds chirping and flowers swaying in the breeze I felt myself walk across an imaginary line of accomplishment. I could finally breathe.
This feeling was unexpected and only by the Grace of God can I look around and see how much he's provided for me in the last months of my life. This Journey wasn't easy, It was filled of emotional nights clinging to the hope that there is a new day coming soon and at the end of this I will look down in to my daughters eyes and tell her it was worth it. That day is coming soon, and I now I can savor the gift of rest that God introduced to me this beautiful morning in May.
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